Ashes to ashes
by XOXOSashaXOXO
Summary: What were to happen, if Bella looses her family..her love and life. She gets changed and eternity isn't as long as she thinks it is, but all hope is not lost, all light is not extinguished...
1. The journal entry

_Friday September 13__th_

_I could have prevented this so many ways, I could have, I should have , but I was stubborn... My name is Isabella Cullen, and I've lost everything that ever mattered to me. _

I nearly snapped the silver pen in my hand, I couldn't do this, I wasn't strong enough to simply write down the events of the last years of my "life." I still remember everything crystal clear, one of the many downfalls of being what I am. Edward always said he didn't want to damn me to this life, I now see what he was talking about. Only months ago I wouldn't have, but my life was so much more different then, I had hope then. I had my family then, now all I have is ashes in different boxes...how comforting.

I find it slightly ironic that today is supposedly the "unlucky day," whatever. A month ago was my unlucky day. Every time I think about it, the flood gates open and every detail leading up to it plays through my head. Including the ones from my human life, why did I have to be the exception and remember everything in perfect clarity?

I remember my last week human, it was the same week Jacob brought my motorcycle to Charlie. The day Charlie kicked me out of the house, no, that isn't how it happened, he gave me an ultimatum. Option one: be grounded and not see anyone, at all, except at school. He NAILED my window shut, Edward could have went through it but, the intent was there, he didn't trust me. Option two: Get out. He didn't say that part either, he couldn't get the words out of his mouth, but I'm not slow, I got it. So that night I left, I didn't think that Edward's family would want a human in the house so I was just going to leave, for good. I remember His expression, and his musical words.

"Bella, do you really want to live in a house full of vampires?" Edward's velvety voice came from beside my ear.

"Wha-well I didn't think you guys would want me in your home..." confusion and sadness mocked my facade.

"You're insane. Of course we do! My whole family, including Rosalie" he added seeing my disbelief, " love you like a daughter or sister almost as much as I love you. I wish you could realize that," he whispered the last part with regret, I knew he was thinking of it again.

"Edward, I accept," I spoke clearly, turning around to his face. For a moment, immense joy filled his angel's face, but it quickly disappeared, and was replaced with confusion.

"Isabella, what is the subject of which you are speaking," he spoke slowly, blowing his delicious scent around me. I had to think for a moment, I couldn't remember, but then it hit me and I smiled brightly.

"I will marry you!" Excitement flashed through him and he picked me up and spun me around.

"Isabella Marie-soon to be- Cullen, have just made me the happiest man in the universe," he whispered oh-so sweetly into my lips.

"Good, now let's go announce to everyone before Alice ruins the surprise," I laughed lightly. I think I heard him mumble about understanding the secrets and Ashlee Simpson songs.

As we got into the Volvo and headed for his house, all I could think was, finally I can be with him for eternity... Eternity turned out to be shorter than I thought.


	2. Reality vs Dreams

The moment we pulled up to the beautiful white mansion, the door was flung open by a blur of white and black. "Come on, Bella," the voice of Alice Cullen whined dragging me up to the door. " Gosh, you humans are just so slow!"

"Alice, breathe, or I'll have Jasper make you," Edward warned half-heartedly, taking my arm from Alice's small, but vice grip.

"Fine, be that way, but Bella do know I am taking you shopping A.S.A.P. for wedding stuff!" she laughed and ran inside where the rest of the family was. Choruses of grumbles were heard from inside.

"Alice, why did you interrupt us, this had better be important!" Emmett being the loudest was heard most clearly. I felt Edward shudder by me, sending a vibration through my body as well.

"You know, we'll be so much like them soon," his angel's voice sent shivers up my body, and I felt my face flare. He laughed loudly beside me, "that was priceless."

"Not funny Mr. Cullen," I grumbled walking inside. He caught up to me and apologized sweetly in to my ear, the same time we walked inside the house.

Everyone was more than thrilled that we were finally tying the knot, I tried to ignore the inane chatter coming from Alice and , surprisingly, Rosalie. All they talked about that week was wedding plans, I told them I didn't care, all I wanted was Edward. He and I decided that we wanted it done by the end of the week, and Saturday after the graduation and the wedding, I would be changed.

My week was a blur, Alice bombarded me after school, took me shopping, and played Barbie with me so she could 'find the right look,' for me. I had finals on two days, which I passed, much to my astonishment. I told Charlie and Renee that we were to be wed on Saturday, needless to say neither were pleased, and Renee was angry that she couldn't come to top it all off. Before I knew it, Saturday had come and I was being poked in the side of the head.

"Bells, you gotta wake up. Rose and Alice said they want you in our room at 9:30." a very quiet Emmett said, continuing his relentless poking.

"Em," I mumbled, "stop poking my head. Where's Edward?" I asked as I realized my Angel wasn't near me.

"They've locked him in the basement for the day because he isn't supposed to see you." I looked up from the newly acquired king sized bed that was placed in Edward's room, upon my arrival. Emmett looked like he was going to die from trying not to laugh. I got up and walked down to Rosalie's bedroom. It was ravish, of course. The second my foot went through the door, I was pulled into Barbie Boot camp.

Ten minutes before the wedding was starting, I was pacing just on the outskirts of the meadow, under the watchful eyes of Jasper and Carlisle. Since they had returned back to Forks, and I had a very long talk with Jasper, he and I have been much closer, and he can keep his bloodlust at bay better too.

"Hey Bell, you're giving me a migraine. Everything's gonna be fine, just calm down, please?" Jasper pleaded, I stopped pacing and felt the calm rush through me. I loved my vampire clan.

After that, the wedding march came on and all I remember after that is saying 'I do," to the man of my dreams. That's when a thought popped into my head, I have no clue where it came from but it was one of the truest things I had ever heard

_You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep at night because reality is finally better than your dreams._

Please review if you have ANY thoughts, or request..ANYTHING. This story is still in plot form and I write on impulse. Reviewers make authors want to write more...they make us do what we do


	3. Disclaimer sorry

OH WOW Totally forgot disclaimer...sorry **bows to copy of Twilight and New Moon sitting on top of pillows on my bed I am not worthy... I am not worthy..continues chanting**

Dad: **what is she doing??**

Best friends : **paying her respects to the owner of our obsession. The mock as if obvious (which it is) and join my chanting on the floor.**

**ps please review, cuz otherwise I get discouraged! and you gt a cookie! seriously you can have a cyber cookie, go to my hp thingy!**


	4. angry awakenings

I didn't know what Edward meant when he had explained the transformation to me, right before he sunk his beautiful teeth into four different areas of my body. He had told me it would be the most painful thing I ever went through, but I'm not sure this is what he had in mind.

I had to relive every event that had occurred to me since I came to Forks, everything up to the night of the vote over and over again. I couldn't open my eyes, all my body could do was cry. I heard Edward, Alice, Carlisle, and Jasper in the background, in the real world not in 'Bella's hell land,'

"She's not feeling any physical pain, this is different, it's like her heart keeps shattering over and over again. Bella, can you hear me?" Jasper's ever calm voice sounded worried, I felt bad for him and wanted to take away the pain from him. He need not go through this hell too. "Bella! I can't feel her at all anymore! It's like she's a...a," Edward interrupted Jasper's craze.

"She's like a void," he whispered sadly, agony dripped in his tone, I wanted to comfort him so badly. _Edward, _I thought, _don't be sad. Things will be so much better, I promise and then we'll be together forever..._I tried speaking it but my mouth wouldn't comply. " Forever," he whispered happily, for a moment everything besides my soft crying was silent. "Carlisle, I think Bella just spoke to me."

"Amazing, she truly is one of a kind," I could almost hear the smile in my father's voice. Moments later I heard a reverberating crash, accompanied by the second most ferocious snarl in the world, Edward's being the first.

"How dare you filthy bloodsuckers change her! The definition of an Angel on Earth and you demons turn _her_ in to a monster as well! I'll kill every one of you!" Jacob Black's voice rang through me and anger flickered inside of me.

The next thing I knew I felt my fingers flexing into fists and my body being mobilized, as I opened my eyes to the most vivid world I had one thought running through my mind, and I voiced it.

"JACOB WILLIAM BLACK, GET YOUR PUPPY BUTT HERE NOW!" I yelled, everything in the room shaking around me, I blinked away the shock of how musical I sounded, even though I was yelling.

"Bella," I heard two male voices whisper astonished. Then a silent stampede broke through Edward's door. They all stood there stunned.

"It's rude to stare you know," I tried to lighten the mood, but my aggravated tone did not help things any. A few seconds later a warning growl slid from Edward's even more beautiful lips, he looked so much more stunning now. He dashed over to my side, which looked like normal walking now, and held me protectively. _**How...**_ I heard whisper through my mind.

_Did I just hear Edward?_..._**Bella? Oh I can talk to you now**_ _**instead of just hearing you sometimes. I cannot believe this, you are amazing. **_He thought as he kissed my head, then I heard Jacob growl. My patience and any emotion I held for him evaporated right then.

"Jacob William, you will stop this right now or so help me, I will rip out your vocal cords," I sounded dangerous, I felt them all stare at me astonished, yet again. That voice was not my own, it was deeper, resonating, and deadly. His amber eyes met mine and I saw the change of familiarity to enmity.

"Isabella, what have they done to you?" It was a rhetorical question, but I felt the need to answer it, defend them.

"They made me a vampire, their equal, their family. They gave me what I have been asking for since I knew their secret, Jacob understand this, I wanted to be one. Now leave, you came on to our land, unwelcome, intruded upon my family. You will not come back here, I will kill you." He stood there for a minute and I became tired. "Now, Jacob Black," I said with as much poison as I could. He ran away.

"Go Bella!" Emmett was first to break the silence, swooping me up in a hug and spinning me. "Ha! I don't have to be gentle with you anymore!" He laughed in victory, spinning inhumanly with me. The second he put me down, Jasper tackled me with a hug, plowing me into the wall, and sending a cracking sound through the room.

"I have wanted to do that since Phoenix," he smiled (I know you're like **OOC!** But it's not I have my reasons but you have to guess! If you're right I'll tell you) and it was the most genuine thing I had ever seen.

"BELLA!" Alice and Rosalie screamed, plowing me over as soon as Jasper released me. They gave me huge hugs and said things about shopping in my ears, I laughed.

Carlisle and Esme hugged me next, shortly. Releasing me back to my Angel, he was more than happy to take me back as well. Everyone left our room then, and Edward stared at me.

"What?" I asked curiously, looking myself up and down, a small picture caught my eye. "Hold that thought.."

**Thanks Broody 4 the review, I don't remember where I got the quote but it described my love life...so thanks keep reviewing I'll try to update tomm. 3 ME!**


	5. shattered crystal memmories

"_Hold that thought..." _I spoke distracted, walking over to the picture. I remembered this picture, it was before Jake was a wolf, and I was almost, almost happy. This was my Jacob, but he was long gone, disappeared, only to be replaced by Sam's Jake. I missed him, but no longer would I mourn over him.

_Bye Jake, _I thought as I picked it up and smashed it into the floor. Edward watched me in awe and pride as I smashed the last reminders of my old best friend. When I was done I dropped to the floor and cried, ice blue crystal tears. I stared at my hands in surprise, vampires aren't supposed to be able to cry.

"Bella, I am so prou- are you crying?" he asked in shock, he picked me up and cradled me on the bed. "Carlisle," he spoke softly, rocking me back and forth. Moments later our father came into the room and stopped dead in his tracks.

"Bella, you're crying," he gasped, thinking for a moment and smiling brightly. "You have no limits do you? You seem to have a special trait, I think it came from your life with Edward." I nodded slowly, wanting to know what he was talking about. "You see, in your human life, at the time of your changing, all you wanted was for your happiness with Edward. You wanted to give him whatever he wanted, it was your only care really. Now, that's what you can do, you will be the exception to every vampire rule, because that is what Edward wanted you to be. He wanted for you to stay human, an Angel, he might've said, and that is what you are now, for lack of better word. You will posses whichever power you may please, this is a very rare thing. It's from your selflessness that you will achieve greatness," he gushed thoughtfully. "Though, this is only a theory," he added.

I gaped at him, how could I, plain Isabella Swan, achieve greatness? How could I deserve such a thing, yes, it is true I wanted Edward to be happy. I thought that was what love was though?

"That is what true love is, Angel, but most vampires do not have true love when they are changing, it is lust, and most will not find it even during their existence. We have been graced," he whispered lovingly into my ear.

"Bella, I have some more good news," Carlisle interrupted our bliss, I looked at him, he was very happy, it must be good. "I don't think you will have to hunt, and if you do, you will not have human bloodlust, or have to do it as often."

I jumped out of Edward's arms in shock and jumped up and down, laughing, "YES! YES! YES!," over and over again. Edward soon had me in his arms again swinging me around like a doll.

"Oh Bella I am so happy for you, for us. You are amazing my love. I love you with everything I have," he leaned in and kissed me. This was not like our others, gentle and marked by boundaries, this kiss was passionate and deep. We were left gasping for air, this made me laugh. "What is so funny?" he asked smiling.

"The fact that we are gasping for air, if I remember correctly, we do not need to breathe."

"That is funny," he agreed laughing as well. I jumped again and started running, at vampire speed, around the room, down the stairs, and around the house again and again. Minutes later I was tackled to the ground by Edward.

"I am getting annoyed," he purred into my ear.

"Why?" I purred back, proud that I could now do it too.

"Because, every three seconds since you've woken up, you jump up and run away," he whined sweetly.

"Well then, how about we go somewhere where there aren't any distractions?" I whispered, getting up and walking extra slowly, swinging my hips this way and that. I laughed when I thought of how brave I had become.

" I think I like the new, confident Bella," he smiled at me and picked me up, bridal style, and running to the one place that was ours...

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What do you guys think, huh? I'm debating on so many things right now and I don't know what I want to happen next. Just a fluff chapter, or do I want some danger, or what?!? Tell me what you guys want to happen in upcoming chapters in your wonderful reviews, and if you do, I'll reply to all of them! To those of you who already have...Go get your cookie from my page! As for me, I have to go return Stephenie's ownership, cuz Twilight is not mine..sadly

OOO See how I worked it in!? Once I get like 2 or 3 reviews I'll start and or update the next chapter.**_THANKS!_**


	6. SORRY! HELP ME!

Okay guys, I said I would start writing BUT i just don't know what I want to happen in the story, cuz I don't know wat you, my fabulous readers ,want. Do you want a fluffy chapter? OPTIONS

1. Fluffy chapter(maybe some 'fun' she is just turned after all)

2. She smell aminals and flips???? Do we want her to be tirsty yet, or at all??

3. Victoria shows up and Bella snaps??

4YOU TELL ME IDEAS! I have been adding stuff in 3 nonfaction stories I am writing today and one is 108 pages one is w my best friend and so it the other one 2 out of 3 involve vampires, I don't know what to write!

**Help me please, you get 2 cookies and an outfit for this lol!**


	7. heaven burns

As we raced to the meadow I wondered vaguely what we would do now. I knew that we could not continue to live in Forks, would we go to Alsaka? I pondered a life with Edward in Alaska, actually I pondered a life with him anywhere, if I was with him I could care less.

We dashed through the trees to find the meadow...gone.

"Edward, the meadow...what happened?" my voice broke and I sobbed falling down to the floor. Our meadow had been burned to ashes, completely ruined. All I could hope for was that it was not a forewarning of things to come.

"Shh. Bella please, calm down. I can't believe someone would do this," he mumbled the last part to himself, apparently forgetting I am a vampire now.

"Edward, I am going to go make who did this pay," I spoke sternly, brushing and dashing off before he could stop me. He would pay for this. I was keeping my promise.

GUYS I AM SO SORRY BUT I AM BABYSITTING NOW AND I CAN'T MAKE IT LONGER!!!!!!!!!!!SO SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	8. promises breakdown

Moments later I arrived at the Forks/ La Push territory line, I wasn't sure how I knew that, it was like it was in my blood... or whatever's in me. "Jacob William Black," I spoke through clenched teeth, " get your furry hind end here now, and leave the pups at home," my voice dripped with anger, things were even red tinted around me.

"Isabella, what brings you here?" his eyes flashed with dry humor, and it sent me a little closer to ripping out his throat.

"What do you think? I don't break my promises, Jacob, and you've just messed with the wrong person's spot. Oh, Jacob, don't hold back," I sneered, crouching down into a fighting position. Momentarily, before I let my instinct take me, I felt bad for fighting my best friend like this. It was quickly replaced with anger and a slight protectiveness, that meadow represented Edward and I, and no one was allowed to vandalize it.

We fought like animals, one of us an actual animal, I could feel Jake weakening. I knew if I could keep him going for a minute longer I would win. His ears pricked all of a sudden as if hearing something far away.

Then I heard it, the sickening howl of the alpha, Sam. Jacob tensed under me, bounding up with a new strength and running away, turning back once to look at me with aggravation.

"Go on Jacob, run to Sam," I could see the restraint it took Jacob not to run back to me, it must have been an order, I laughed in my head. "Go on little dog, your master is waiting," I shouted as he ran.

After I pulled myself from my laughing fit, I brushed myself off and ran back to the meadow. When I came to a stop, I noticed Edward was where I left him. I stepped forward cautiously.

"Edward," I spoke softly, touching his arm, he didn't acknowledge me. "Edward, darling, please talk to me. Are you okay?" I became slightly frantic, he was just staring at it.

"Bella," he whispered, too quietly, before breaking down, something I had never seen him do before. I was astonished, Edward, the king of suaveness, was sobbing at my feet.

"Angel!" I shouted, dropping to my knees and cradling him. "Please, stop your crying, it's okay, I've fixed it. We can rebuild the meadow. Edward, please," I chanted anything, trying to make him stop. He hugged my stomach, and sobbed for the rest of the night.

Sorry it's short and it's been awhile, but I'll update asap this week I swear! hi allie! and readers please review


	9. hard to harder

** Nobody said it would be easy, but nobody said it would be this hard either...(**omg look at my profile for a sweet pic of this quotey thing)

It's around 6:30 a.m. according to the sun's position in the sky, that meant Edward had been crying for over 8 hours, tearless, but definitely out of his usual self. After the first four hours, I sat down cross-legged and let him hold onto my shoulders, I also stopped trying to console him, it only made him shake more. I just ran my hands over his back and face and anything else I could reach, tracing random patterns.

Mid-afternoon, I decided to try to speak again, "Edward," I whispered, lighter than a butterfly near his ear. His inaudible rambling stopped, as did the shaking of his body.

"Isabella..." he gasped quietly. I quickly pulled his face up into my view, immediately noticing the glazed over appearance of his eyes, and tried to read his thoughts. I wasn't sure why I didn't try this before, but I guess all I was concerned about was him.

" _Angel...no please, do not tease me so... where is she?... Bella, please come to me, I need you here with me...I can fix it...please..." _What was wrong with him? I kept trying to find more information, but it was the same mantra in my head over and over again.

"_Isabella..."_ an antagonizing mind called to me, at first I thought of Jacob, but this was a female voice, Victoria. _" I pity you, and your 'darling' Edward, such fools to believe you could get away with it. I know you're listening to me, and I know what has happened to Edward . And I will get away with it, because I. Am. Better. Than. You." _The voice stopped, and Edward became rigid.

"Edward, look at me," I demanded. His head snapped to me and his beautiful eyes widened.

"How...I thought... but... Bella, what happened?" he stammered as if lost, which he probably was.

"What do you remember?" I asked running my hands over his face, glad to have him back.

He told me how he was in Volterra again, and they had taken me away, tortured me and tried to feed me children. How he was forced to watch all of this happen, and have Jane constantly there like a leash, holding on to him. How they eventually grew tired of torture and told him they killed me, and locked him away. He told me there was a voice whispering to im in the chamber, and that he pleaded with it to bring him to me. That was me, I was guessing, the whispering. Once he was done, he was shaking again, holding me close and protectively.

"Edward, we have to leave. Victoria was near here, I think she did that to you, she knows I can hear your thoughts, and sent me a message." He was snarling as I told him.

He satood up suddenly and tried to put me on his back, " Edward, I can run now, remember," I spoke, offended.

"Then come on, I have to keep you safe," he spoke quickly, grabbing my hand and tugging me towards the house.

We ran back quickly and straight through the door stopping in the living room. "Oh God, please help us."

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Okay** I am so sorry for not updating**

1.Parents-school ..you figure it out 2. Ex Friend/ Boyfriend/ X boyfriend stuff had me physically and emotionally ill for awhile... it sucks b/c I may have lost my best friend who is on FF and the T/NM obsession 3. I was with my best friend all weekend...Seen Disturbia last night...totally BANGIN'! I need reviews and suggestions though b/c I'm tired, what do you want cuz that's what matters!


	10. shredded

_We ran back quickly and straight through the door stopping in the living room. "Oh God, please help us."_

The mansion was shredded, every piece of furniture was torn and thrown about savagely. The T.V. was broken and thrown into the kitchen, smashing Edward's piano along the way.

"Edward, what happened?" I asked, panic stricken, squeezing his forearm as I looked around the room again. Then something too obvious dawned on me. "Where is everyone?"

"I don't know, Bella. You need to get out of here though, somewhere safe," he paused and looked like he was thinking intently. "Oh! I know where, follow me," he said pulling my hand and running through the ruble in the kitchen and through a door I had never noticed before.

"Edward where are we going? We need to go find the family. I'm fine, I'm not made of glass anymore." I tried excuse after excuse and nothing seemed to work, he just kept pulling me through the maze of corridors.

Finally, we came to a stop in front of a vault like door. Edward started hitting numbers on a keyboard, something else I hadn't noticed, and I heard the gears start to move.

The moment it opened I heard Edward's sigh of relief, as well as a loud pixie-ish scream.

"Thank God! You two are safe. I was so worried, I couldn't get any visions on the two of you and thought maybe they had gotten to you. Bella, you're not hurt are you?" Alice gushed checking me over. When she seemed satisfied she hugged us both, as well as the rest of the family, who had come over during her rant.

"Who did this?" Edward asked once everyone had been hugged.

"You don't want to know..."

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**I'm soo sorry don't hurt me. I've been busy! And had writers block. Like I said too many story plots and I'm not gonna waste our times with my excuses. I'll try to update soon! Review please. Even if you're angry with me. It makes me feel like doing something. ps I need a chapter title and ideas! first come first serve!**

**not mine...tear**


	11. put down the knives first

**Hey guysAH dodges kitchen knives I'm Sorry! I'm writing the next chapter as you read this soo... I of course want to know what you guys think, who did it. lol **

**A) Victoria B) Volturi C)The Pack D) I DON'T KNOW NEW CHARACTER??? oooh I like that, some one make up a character and put them in your review..cuz that's the only way I get it, cuz I'm lazy E) anything else...? **

**Kay guys come on _help!!_** _I'll bake a cake...oh bribery lol_


	12. PLEASE give m some feed back

Hi cringing I am sorry, and I know I should've updated soooooooo long ago, but it's summer, I'M NOT HERE! lol, so like since school starts next tuesday, I am hoping to start writing again after school gets settled. I'll post soon..or delete my story, I honestly don't know yet..._I JUST DON'T KNOW!_ **ahck! Oh & BOOYEAHHH!!!!! ECLIPSE IS OUT AND BALLIN'**


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